When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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