she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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