who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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