so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
