Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
