We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
