Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
