Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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