I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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