if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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