If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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