i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize