He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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