Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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