you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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