So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
