that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
