just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
