i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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