forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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