I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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