oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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