I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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