if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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