Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
