A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
