Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
