It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
