i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
