Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
