she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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