I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
