I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
