Soap is not a condiment
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
