she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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