i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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