Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize