Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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