are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
