i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
