i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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