This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
