You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
