I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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