I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
