1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
