Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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