doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
