Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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