I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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