i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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