My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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