so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
