I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
3pm strippers are depressing
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
