Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
