I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
