either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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