I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
