half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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