Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize