i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
