I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
