Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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