Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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