Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
