trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
