I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
