If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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