There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
