I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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