so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
