elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
