YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
