i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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