one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
