How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
too bad you live with your parents still
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize